Meet Burt
Burt E. Featherworth is the largest of all Koko Kreepies and true to form has a larger-than-life story to share with you.
Burt is a retired Vietnam Pet. After being severely wounded, Burt lost his wings and was forced to live in a cage due to lack of beds. After being cooped up for nearly two years, Burt was released and slowly started rebuilding his life as a disabled birdman.
While out on business I ran into Burt at a local pub in Cincinnati. He was kind enough to answer a few of my questions.
JM: Burt, are you a cross-dresser or do you just enjoy painting your nails green?
Burt: I’m not all that sure why my nails are green to tell you the truth. If anything, it’s some fungus that started growing underneath my nails that migrated to the top of the nail.
JM: That’s pretty gross. Anyways, it happens to be karaoke night here at the pub. Do you sing?
Burt: As a matter of fact I do. I’m damn good too. I always win singing contests.
JM: What songs do you typically sing?
Burt: I do a lot of Kiss. “Doctor Love” or “Lick it Up” are big crowd pleasers. I also do a lot of Rolling Stones, Ted Nuggent, Thin Lizzy, ZZ Top, etc etc.
JM: I bet you get all the ladies, don’t you Burt?
Burt: No.
Look for the downloadable ringtone of “Doctor Love” performed by Burt soon!
Meet Bruno
Don’t be fooled, although a near fatal accident left Bruno with no legs and less than half a torso, he is by far the strongest and most independent Koko Kreepie you’re likely to own.
Bruno trains daily and hopes to become the next Olympic pole vaulter and jump rope superstar. He is relentless and extremely passionate about his goals.
Bruno was able to spare a few moments between training for a quick interview and here’s what he had to say.
JM: Pardon me Mr. Bruno, but how on earth do you plan to become the next pole vaulter or jump rope star without having legs? To me, that seems absolutely impossible.
Bruno: Wait, you mean I don’t have legs? Ha ha ha. Look lady, I don’t care what you think I can and cannot do. There is nothing impossible to me. Here, let me demonstrate.
JM: Wow, that’s amazing. You just hopped over a button using a toothpick. Do you really think that’s Olympic material?
Bruno: Absolutely! How many dolls with no legs do you see in the Olympics with that sort of strength? I rest my case. Now would you please leave so I can do chin-ups on the bottom stair?
JM: Anything for you, tough guy.
Want to train like Bruno? Stay tuned for the second half of this intense interview.
